Everything is Hazardous!!!
Bash has his low crawl technique perfected. It was so cute when he first learned to go from point A to point B. He would be frustrated with his body not doing what he wanted it to do. It's like me on the basketball court, so I completely understand him. But now he's like lighting. The problem now is point B is normally something that can kill him. Two minutes ago I had to grab his legs and pull him away from the surge protector right before he started playing with the batteries that are charging. Apparently the charge light attracted his attention.
Bash has been lucky that his parents are awesome and popular, so he's gotten a lot of toys. Unfortunately for those awesome parents he doesn't seem to care about said toys. Jasper's blue chew bone is more exciting. And Jasper being the Jersey douche that he is loves to drop that bone right in front of Bash. But when I want to play fetch with that bone he won't let it go. Go figure.
This crazy kid also loves to try and stand up. He has the balance of a newborn deer but he keeps on trying. It tests my reflexes for sure. And though I happen to have the amazing reflexes of Napoleon Dynamite it's still very taxing on me. The proud dad in me smiles whenever Bash pulls himself to a standing position from his low crawl.
- Kid's gonna be strong.
That's my comment in my John Wayne cowboy voice. Then I have to rush over to him before he loses his balance while wildly swinging his arm over chasing the remote control. Oh, the stress. When he was a newborn and I used to complain about how boring he was. So many people said,
- You're gonna miss those days when he starts crawling around.
I dismissed those people as idiots. There's no way a curious kid crawling around could be worse than this little wrinkled thing with no personality pooping and puking. But now I understand those people that I so rudely dismissed as idiots. When this kid started his military low-crawl, the insanity began. Everything is dangerous. I can tell already that the worst hasn't begun. It's like he's programmed to find the most dangerous thing in the room and attack it. How is a wicker basket full of candles more entertaining than a stuffed monkey? I just don't get it.
I guess the world is big to him. Everything must be exciting. Maybe I'll start a toy company with recycled household appliances and cords. That seems to be what he likes best. A fake outlet and a baby bookshelf with fake cotton books that won't hurt the baby when she inevitably pulls books down onto her head. How come nobody has thought of this before? Then we all win. They get the hazardous-looking things that they so desperately want. We get the piece of mind in knowing that our baby won't cause any harm to him/herself. Who knows? Definitely not me. I have zero answers. I'm just a dad learning on the fly. I would say more, but my son apparently wants to use a sliding drawer to stand up. I know how that can end. Too bad he doesn't. Until next time...