Expat Jon takes on the world (well... Sweden)

Eating on public transportation makes me feel guilty somehow.  I don't know what it is.  It's my food. There's no rule against it.  Something about it makes me feel rude or something.  Once I was taking a very short flight in North Carolina.  The plane was a very small plane that barely had room in the cabin for carry-on luggage.  I firmly believe that there is a rule in the universe that mandates that I sit next to an obese person in a situation like this.  I  looked at my ticket... F4... F4.  I scanned the plane and saw a woman in one and a half seats.  I knew the half was F4.  This was a short layover.  I had hurriedly stopped by Burger King on my way to my gate.  I didn't have time to eat it, but whatever, I'd eat on the flight. I counted the rows as I approached the half seat.  I hoped there was a number between 3 and 4 that I hadn't ever learned about.  There wasn't.  I was in the half seat next to ...

It had been a while since I got on stage and told jokes.  You get a rush when it goes well.  There is a level of happiness after a good set that's hard to explain besides saying it's like taking a bunch of ecstasy without the worry of going to jail or dying.  After my first set  I was hooked.  I tried to book myself as much as possible.  I needed to get on stage and get better.  For two months I went up at least once a week (except one week when Swedie told me I had to keep my ass at home).  I was starting to feel like a comedian.  Then the summer came.  This summer has been bad (ask any Swede) in regards to the weather, but my first summer as a comedian was a tough one.  Most of the comedy clubs (and everything except bars) shut down in the summer here.  That means every comedian in Stockholm is trying to get on one or two stages.  That also means no one cares about Jonathan Rollins getting some time.  Who is Jonatha...

I don't know what it is about me.  Maybe it's the well-trimmed beard or something, but these drunks keep bothering me.  Just yesterday I was minding my own business.  I had my headphones on so that the dude at the phone store wouldn't bother me.  I was also listening to a podcast, but the main reason for the headphones was the phone store guy.  Doesn't he get it? I live in this neighborhood.  I pass you every day - listening to media on MY FUNCTIONING PHONE - and you still ask me if I want to come in and talk to you about a phone plan.  I don't know anyone who bought a phone plan from one of these guys here or in the States.  It's weird that the strategy is still used.  It's just harassment. So I avoided the phone guys with my newly adopted Swedish-blinders-while-walking technique.  It's effective when used moderately.  It was raining because it's the summer in 2015 in Stockholm and that must be in the damn contract.  So I wa...

I'm learning that small talk is different in different cultures.  I'm a small talker myself (blame the south) so I've been working on chit-chatting in Sweden.  I do my normal "How's it going" with customers at work.  They seem shocked at first.  This guy can't be Swedish.  The accent only confirms it.  They always say something like:        - Det är bra, tack. Själv då?  (I'm fine thanks, and you?) Which is pretty normal.  Then I say:        - Bra! Hela tiden!  (Fine! Always) Most people chuckle at the ridiculousness of my response.  How can everything be good all the time for this guy?  Doesn't he know that is impossible?  Of course I know that is impossible.  But no matter what, I will convey a cheery, American, wholesome, happy attitude.  I like to try to bring - or keep - all spirits up.  What I've noticed is my little comment opens this slightly awkward ...

I had heard about Snapchat.  It was "what the kids are doing these days".  If you don't know what Snapchat is, it is a messaging app that lets you send images and videos out for a limited amount of time.  If you put a picture of yourself on your Snapchat making a silly face, that picture will be available for people to see for 24 hours.  If you send a picture to a friend, that picture deletes automatically after that friend sees it.  The same applies to videos.  You can also add text to your pictures and videos or text message directly to friends.  Everything is temporary.  I know what you're thinking.  This is just for kids to send pictures of their private parts to each other.  I thought the same thing! When it came to Snapchat, I ignored the phenomenon.  I really didn't know it existed at first.  I had enough social media.  Since moving here I had gotten a personal smartphone which gave me access to Facebook. ...

I was going to write about this crazy dream I had the other night, but then I was told that people hate hearing about other people's dreams. You can thank Swedie for that. People also hate hearing about other people's kids, but that's never stopped me before! Here's a little bit about the crazy little guy I call Bash. I'm starting to think our kid is going to be the cool kid.  I must have been scarred or something in my youth (who hasn't?) because I often wonder what circle Bash is going to be in.  I recently spoke on the podcast  about my biggest fear being that Bash is that kid that does magic.  I always found that kid in the classroom/lunchroom with the cape and gloves on doing tricks to be the ultimate cornball.  If that was you or (worse) your kid, I apologize.  It's just my silly opinion. I don't want Bash to be the cornball.  My friends know this now and vow to get Bash hooked on magic.  I'm confident it won't stick.  Not becaus...

I have an interesting relationship with my twin brother.  I have great fun when I am around him.  He's smart and funny and athletic and all that wonderful stuff.  But he is one of the people that can frustrate me most in this world.  He has the ability to get up under your skin and then LIVE there until discomfort makes you leave the room.  Then HE WINS!  I think he gets off on that.  He says outrageous things just to be "anti" and then he backs it up with debate tactics of Skip Bayless.  You KNOW he's wrong.  I think HE knows he's wrong.  But then he'll argue and argue until you just give up out of hatred.  That's my brother.  I love him. Most of the times I just let it go.  He's trying to annoy me.  I know it.  Just walk away, Jon.  But then it becomes a game of just stumping him.  Make him look as dumb as he intelligently sounds.  That's easier said than done because he's such a smart guy. ...