Expat Jon takes on the world (well... Sweden)

Hey! Yes I still blog.  I just took a month off because I didn't have anything nice to say after what was for me a very disappointing US presidential election.  I won't delve into that subject now.  I'll write a bit about something that makes me feel better about everything.  BASH! Handshakes are one of those things a parent teaches their child about.  It's a part of the first impression.  Make it firm.  Establish respect right away.  Look the person in the eye and smile.  I'm not quite there with Bash just yet, but I'm already prepared for that conversation.  He'll never have a "dead fish" handshake.  Nor will he be that guy that squeezes the fuck out of your hand while staring intently into your soul.  That person is actually worse because they make YOU childish and you start trying to squeeze back while trying not to show the pain.  But you're already at a disadvantage because that asshole started squeezing first! ...

If you would have asked me six months ago how I would react to Bash wanting a pink toy or wearing nail polish I would have proudly said it is no problem for me.  I'm a progressive and enlightened man, right?  I know that the color pink has nothing to do with femininity.  I don't buy into that tired old way of thinking.  My child will grow up knowing that whatever he likes, he likes.  It won't affect the way his father loves him.  In the end he will be secure in himself and he'll truly have the trust a child should have in their father.  That all sounds good until that time comes. Well that time came for me.  My progressiveness was recently tested.  Swedie and I have discussed this topic at length.  We agreed that if we're out toy shopping and Bash likes a "girl toy", Bash gets that toy.  So I was surprised when Swedie called me one day asking if it's okay to buy this chair Bash wants.  I rolled my eyes.  Here we go again...

People ask me if I speak English or Swedish at home with Bash.  Obviously I speak English to him.  I do so in part because I want to be able to fully express myself to him.  Me searching trying to translate my thoughts into my second language for him would be frustrating for the both of us.  I also want him to learn English like I speak it.  Here they learn the queen's English in school.  That's not exactly Miami talk.  He would benefit from learning Daddy's language from Daddy.  Another major factor is my confidence in my Swedish.  I understand just about everything and can make myself understood, but my Swedish grammar is far from perfect.  Bash would certainly pick up bad habits from me if I spoke Swedish to him.  Furthermore, he would realize at a way earlier age that Daddy is an idiot.  I'd rather he figure that out as a teenager or so.  Like we all do. Recently Bash and I went to the park.  I like spending tim...

Playing outside with Bash is fun.  It's even more fun with Jasper.  I get the best of both worlds.  Bash is thoroughly entertained by our crazy dog, and Jasper gets good exercise from running around like a maniac and mellows out for the rest of the day.  How could I not take advantage of this? Last week I had an opportunity to go outside with the boys.  Swedie was at work (will she ever learn?) and I was home with all of these responsibilities.  Bash was non-stop that day.  Climbing and running and singing and being a toddler.  He recently found out that he can get to higher things by pushing around a chair.  Now I have to actually be awake!  Jasper was being his usual annoying self, so outside was the way to go. I took them out and let Jasper do his thing.  Bash loves it when Jasper runs in huge circles barking hysterically.  I teased Jasper and made him run more and more.  Bash laughed more and more.  He even...

Our goal was to start early with the potty training.  Diaper prices aren't exactly going down, so we want this boy to be out of them as soon as possible. I noticed early on that Bash is very independent.  He likes to try to be a big boy.  Maybe if he SEES Daddy using the toilet he'll want to use his own.  Daddy and Mamma don't wear diapers.  Be like Daddy and Mamma, Bash.  Help us help you... Please! At first we thought we had a child prodigy on our hands.  Bash used the potty the first few days we ever put him on it.  He tinkled.  Yay Bash!  Good job Bash!  We clapped and celebrated the pot full of urine.  He clapped too.  This was going to be a breeze.  The grocery bill would be dramatically decreasing in no time.  This was when he was just over one year old.  I was full of pride as I told the teacher at preschool that Bash is "using the pot now".  I asked that they continue trying with him. ...

I was going to write about this crazy dream I had the other night, but then I was told that people hate hearing about other people's dreams. You can thank Swedie for that. People also hate hearing about other people's kids, but that's never stopped me before! Here's a little bit about the crazy little guy I call Bash. I'm starting to think our kid is going to be the cool kid.  I must have been scarred or something in my youth (who hasn't?) because I often wonder what circle Bash is going to be in.  I recently spoke on the podcast  about my biggest fear being that Bash is that kid that does magic.  I always found that kid in the classroom/lunchroom with the cape and gloves on doing tricks to be the ultimate cornball.  If that was you or (worse) your kid, I apologize.  It's just my silly opinion. I don't want Bash to be the cornball.  My friends know this now and vow to get Bash hooked on magic.  I'm confident it won't stick.  Not becaus...

Now that Bash has started day care, we want to be sure to keep the schedule.  Eventually he should figure out that weekdays are when we will drop him off with those other kids and those nice ladies and then weekends are when he gets to have Mommy and Daddy all day.  I knew this would happen. My mom used to have a day care.  I saw it every day.  I never thought about it from the parents' perspective though. Leaving Bash every day is tough.  I'm glad I'm able to do it every morning because I think it would be extra difficult for Swedie.  He's a very happy kid normally.  That's not the case when I drop him off, though.  As soon as I say, "Bye Bash" and head for that door, he breaks down into real sobbing.  It makes my heart heavy.  I know he is in good hands.  It's just that I know that I can't explain that to him yet.  He doesn't get the concept of Daddy coming back.  He just gets that Daddy is leaving.  And technical...

Well well well.  I made it through Year One!  I know there's a long way to go before I fire up the victory band, but still I'm glad to get that first year under my belt.  Just think, a year ago today I was freaking out about this little being that was stubbornly delaying his entrance into the world.  A year ago I didn't have the slightest idea what Sebastian or Evan or Dylan would look like!  I must say I got lucky.  We got lucky.  We got "Bash" and boy has he been a joy. There have only been a handful of nights that Bash has been cranky and screaming.  His demeanor thus far has been perfect for beginner parents.  It's like he knew what it would take to make life easier and he did just that.  We've been told that he has a "quiet cry".  To us it's a scream, but to other people it's like "That's it?"  Man, we hit the jackpot. Fatherhood has taught me a lot about myself.  I remember when we bought Jasper and I caught ...

I did it!  I made it to the fourth week of paternity leave!  More importantly, Bash made it as well.  I would say I'm proud of myself, but I still have more than two months to go.  Right about now I feel more confident than ever that we'll make it. Week 2 wasn't so bad.  Swedie's school schedule was kind to me that week.  That may have been for the best since I almost lost him three days in.  It was nice to spend time together when she had a day off or when she only went in for a few hours.  It reminded me of when he was first born and we had those two weeks with him.  Except now he has a personality.  It's a different kind of magic.  When he was first born it was wonderment that had us stare like crazy people at him.  But he was BORING.  Just lying there all helpless and poopy.  Still somehow entertaining.  Now Bash has so much personality!  He likes to laugh and play.  We had a lot of quality...

This kid is the best! It's my first week of this three month journey of paternity leave.  It's still unbelievable that I'm basically getting paid to spend time with my son.  He's a baby, I'm an adult.  This should be easy.  Swedie's been doing it for 10 months.  Of course I can do it!  A guy at my job suggested that I set a schedule.  He had recently been on paternity leave.  He had a different look in his eye.  It wasn't a "it was fun to be off of work with my kid" look.  It was more of a "glad that's over because my kid damn near killed me" look.  I gotta say, I was a bit nervous after talking to that desperate man. But Bash is cool.  Well he's been cool for those times after work or on off days when I hang out with him.  Shouldn't be a problem.  It turns out this gig isn't as easy as I thought it would be.  This first week has been quite the experience. Monday Swedie and I are so excited for her beg...

Sometimes I can't believe I have a kid.  I still feel like a kid myself.  How can I be responsible for another human being when I sometimes don't even feel like an adult myself?  Those questions don't matter though because he's here and I have no choice in the matter.  It's a good thing I have an awesome partner in Swedie.  She has been so natural in the role of Mommy.  It's great to see.  She has a nice routine set for him.  She has all of the midwife appointments logged.  She goes out and buys whatever he and her other child (me) needs to get through the week.  She's amazing! I've grown into my role as well.  Thankfully, he's not as boring as he used to be.  Either that or I have just accepted that the movie is what it is and I'm rolling with it.  Nah, that's not it.  Bash is so fun!  He has developed some personality and it's been great getting to see it all from scratch.  Each milestone has been a wond...

Okay, so I'm a bit late.  Forgive me.  I basically lost a day traveling and it's still Thursday evening where I'm at, so I don't feel so bad. We touched down a little less than 24 hours ago.  I'm so proud of Bash.  He was such a champion.  We had two flights to get here and the first one was only an hour long.  I considered that one the tester flight.  Bash sure aced that test.  Swedie gave him a bottle as we were taking off to combat ear popping.  It must have worked.  He drank in peace and went to sleep for most of the flight.  It was awesome. The second flight started off a little scary.  First off, in typical Expat Jon fashion, I strategically walked away and abandoned Swedie in an awkward conversation with a fellow traveler.  Glad it wasn't me.  I came back and Swedie tried to return the favor, but I was too slick for that.  Won't get me!  We got on the flight at Bash's lunch time.  We tried to...

I know, I know.  Home is technically here now.  I live in Sweden.  But I'm at that point of excitement when you start saying in [insert time frame] I will be in [insert American city].  Well, next week's blog will be sent from Miami.  Bam!  So excited. This one is going to be different.  I'm always excited to go back home, but this time I'm bringing the next generation.  So far only my mother and brother have gotten to meet Bash.  That takes it to another level.  I can't wait for Bash to meet all of the crazy people that helped make me into the crazy person that I am.  I can't wait for all of the crazy people to meet the person that I'm going to make into a crazy person one day! I'm a bit apprehensive about the flight.  I'm that passenger that rolls his eyes and wonders why people can't get their kids under control.  Karma will probably guarantee that I'm the apologetic parent at some point on this flight.  The go...

Bash has his low crawl technique perfected.  It was so cute when he first learned to go from point A to point B.  He would be frustrated with his body not doing what he wanted it to do.  It's like me on the basketball court, so I completely understand him.  But now he's like lighting.  The problem now is point B is normally something that can kill him.  Two minutes ago I had to grab his legs and pull him away from the surge protector right before he started playing with the batteries that are charging.  Apparently the charge light attracted his attention. Bash has been lucky that his parents are awesome and popular, so he's gotten a lot of toys.  Unfortunately for those awesome parents he doesn't seem to care about said toys.  Jasper's blue chew bone is more exciting.  And Jasper being the Jersey douche that he is loves to drop that bone right in front of Bash.  But when I want to play fetch with that bone he won't let it go. ...

Time flies, doesn't it?  Bash has been out of Swedie's belly already for six months.  SIX MONTHS! I've been trying not to be the insane social media parent.  So far we have zero albums on Facebook dedicated to him.  That's an accomplishment.  Then again I haven't made a Facebook album in forever.  But still.  I think I've done alright.  I doubt anyone sees Bash and goes:        - Here we go again with this kid! Like admittedly, I do sometimes.  If you feel guilty, then you probably are.  But I'm not judging those parents that think we care about the 18 pictures you took of your child finding her belly button.  I actually understand now.  Before being a parent, I thought it was insane.  Now I know... it IS  insane.  We all are insane for our kids.  I just happen to be more willing to hide my insanity.  I think my kid is cuter than any other kid (Except for that one stupid...

In some aspects of our upbringing, Swedie and I couldn't be more different.  We have spoken about this a lot during the years.  We find some things out about how we were raised and are completely surprised.  My mom didn't let us eat candy until well after we had our permanent teeth (WHAT?!).  Swedie's dad stuck a piece of candy in her mouth when she was around six months old (WHAT?!)  Upon discovering some of these revelations, one of us may say:      - That's not happening with our kids. That was all okay when we were talking about a hypothetical child.  But now we have an actual breathing human being that we have to raise and it's time to make those compromises.  We're at the stage now where we're just feeling each other out.  It's round one and both fighters are just throwing jabs.  He's still too young for any disciplinary actions to take place, but we are already trying to get on the same page - rather write a page tog...