Expat Jon takes on the world (well... Sweden)

I was going to write about this crazy dream I had the other night, but then I was told that people hate hearing about other people's dreams. You can thank Swedie for that. People also hate hearing about other people's kids, but that's never stopped me before! Here's a little bit about the crazy little guy I call Bash. I'm starting to think our kid is going to be the cool kid.  I must have been scarred or something in my youth (who hasn't?) because I often wonder what circle Bash is going to be in.  I recently spoke on the podcast  about my biggest fear being that Bash is that kid that does magic.  I always found that kid in the classroom/lunchroom with the cape and gloves on doing tricks to be the ultimate cornball.  If that was you or (worse) your kid, I apologize.  It's just my silly opinion. I don't want Bash to be the cornball.  My friends know this now and vow to get Bash hooked on magic.  I'm confident it won't stick.  Not becaus...

Paternity leave is almost over.  This is my last week!  My how time flies.  It's bittersweet for me.  I love spending time with Bash.  I can't describe how important these three months have been.  I am ready to get back to work.  But it's also good for Bash to start his social life.  It's a new adventure for him.  A new era! Of course the day care system here is different.  In the US you have labor pains, push the baby out, wipe it off, smile at it, then drop it off at day care.  In Sweden it's a process.  They know you have parental leave, so you have to integrate the child into day care.  Of course you have to get into a line. It wouldn't be Sweden without a line.  Swedie was actually concerned that Bash wouldn't be accepted into day care on time.  We put him in the line when he was one week old.  How is that not enough time?  I actually ended up taking an extra two weeks of paternity leave once we...

I did it!  I made it to the fourth week of paternity leave!  More importantly, Bash made it as well.  I would say I'm proud of myself, but I still have more than two months to go.  Right about now I feel more confident than ever that we'll make it. Week 2 wasn't so bad.  Swedie's school schedule was kind to me that week.  That may have been for the best since I almost lost him three days in.  It was nice to spend time together when she had a day off or when she only went in for a few hours.  It reminded me of when he was first born and we had those two weeks with him.  Except now he has a personality.  It's a different kind of magic.  When he was first born it was wonderment that had us stare like crazy people at him.  But he was BORING.  Just lying there all helpless and poopy.  Still somehow entertaining.  Now Bash has so much personality!  He likes to laugh and play.  We had a lot of quality...

Sometimes I can't believe I have a kid.  I still feel like a kid myself.  How can I be responsible for another human being when I sometimes don't even feel like an adult myself?  Those questions don't matter though because he's here and I have no choice in the matter.  It's a good thing I have an awesome partner in Swedie.  She has been so natural in the role of Mommy.  It's great to see.  She has a nice routine set for him.  She has all of the midwife appointments logged.  She goes out and buys whatever he and her other child (me) needs to get through the week.  She's amazing! I've grown into my role as well.  Thankfully, he's not as boring as he used to be.  Either that or I have just accepted that the movie is what it is and I'm rolling with it.  Nah, that's not it.  Bash is so fun!  He has developed some personality and it's been great getting to see it all from scratch.  Each milestone has been a wond...

Okay, so I'm a bit late.  Forgive me.  I basically lost a day traveling and it's still Thursday evening where I'm at, so I don't feel so bad. We touched down a little less than 24 hours ago.  I'm so proud of Bash.  He was such a champion.  We had two flights to get here and the first one was only an hour long.  I considered that one the tester flight.  Bash sure aced that test.  Swedie gave him a bottle as we were taking off to combat ear popping.  It must have worked.  He drank in peace and went to sleep for most of the flight.  It was awesome. The second flight started off a little scary.  First off, in typical Expat Jon fashion, I strategically walked away and abandoned Swedie in an awkward conversation with a fellow traveler.  Glad it wasn't me.  I came back and Swedie tried to return the favor, but I was too slick for that.  Won't get me!  We got on the flight at Bash's lunch time.  We tried to...

Bash has his low crawl technique perfected.  It was so cute when he first learned to go from point A to point B.  He would be frustrated with his body not doing what he wanted it to do.  It's like me on the basketball court, so I completely understand him.  But now he's like lighting.  The problem now is point B is normally something that can kill him.  Two minutes ago I had to grab his legs and pull him away from the surge protector right before he started playing with the batteries that are charging.  Apparently the charge light attracted his attention. Bash has been lucky that his parents are awesome and popular, so he's gotten a lot of toys.  Unfortunately for those awesome parents he doesn't seem to care about said toys.  Jasper's blue chew bone is more exciting.  And Jasper being the Jersey douche that he is loves to drop that bone right in front of Bash.  But when I want to play fetch with that bone he won't let it go. ...

Time flies, doesn't it?  Bash has been out of Swedie's belly already for six months.  SIX MONTHS! I've been trying not to be the insane social media parent.  So far we have zero albums on Facebook dedicated to him.  That's an accomplishment.  Then again I haven't made a Facebook album in forever.  But still.  I think I've done alright.  I doubt anyone sees Bash and goes:        - Here we go again with this kid! Like admittedly, I do sometimes.  If you feel guilty, then you probably are.  But I'm not judging those parents that think we care about the 18 pictures you took of your child finding her belly button.  I actually understand now.  Before being a parent, I thought it was insane.  Now I know... it IS  insane.  We all are insane for our kids.  I just happen to be more willing to hide my insanity.  I think my kid is cuter than any other kid (Except for that one stupid...

The bed has always been a special place for me. As a kid I was a professional boxer beating up my opponent (pillows) and then not letting him fall so I can beat him up some more for my fans.  Or a running back in the NFL trying to continue my streak of NEVER being tackled.  EVER.  Just laying sideways with my pillows as attempted tacklers and the wall as the ground I sprinted across at a lighting-quick pace. I can recall checking to see if my brother was asleep yet so we could whisper about... girls.  I used to see the men on TV shows get in arguments with their wives and end up sleeping on the couch.  I vowed at the tender age of six that I would never be that guy.  The bed was mine.        - If she's mad, then she should sleep on the couch! I still feel this way.  If I sleep on the couch it's because I dozed off while watching the game or a movie.  Not because Swedie's mad.  Maybe I'm lucky because we don't have...

In some aspects of our upbringing, Swedie and I couldn't be more different.  We have spoken about this a lot during the years.  We find some things out about how we were raised and are completely surprised.  My mom didn't let us eat candy until well after we had our permanent teeth (WHAT?!).  Swedie's dad stuck a piece of candy in her mouth when she was around six months old (WHAT?!)  Upon discovering some of these revelations, one of us may say:      - That's not happening with our kids. That was all okay when we were talking about a hypothetical child.  But now we have an actual breathing human being that we have to raise and it's time to make those compromises.  We're at the stage now where we're just feeling each other out.  It's round one and both fighters are just throwing jabs.  He's still too young for any disciplinary actions to take place, but we are already trying to get on the same page - rather write a page tog...

The morning went smoother this time.  Swedie wasn't so stressed.  We were out of the house in time (like last time) and I didn't forget my gloves.  We got to the office and sat down with time to spare.  A different midwife came out to greet us this time.  She was more mild-mannered.  A tall and thin woman who looked to be in her early-to-mid forties.  She led the group into the horrible shoe removal room.  I was ready today.  I had made sure I had on some good socks. The group was different this time.  I only recognized one couple from last time and another woman who's husband didn't join her this time.  How dare he?!  There were three other couples and one other woman who was alone.  We went in and shed our jackets and took comfortable seats in a circle.  The midwife had us all introduce ourselves.  I kept it simple this time.       - Jag heter Jonathan Swedie went before me so she gave our...

So the day finally came where we met with other expecting couples.  We were to meet at the midwife's office with seven other couples.  This should be fun.  It would be good to hear other people's stories and perspectives. We were in the elevator and ready to go when I realized that I had forgotten my gloves.  I was going straight to work from the midwife, so I needed my gloves now.  Swedie didn't want to be late (we were ten minutes early already) so she couldn't wait for me to go back up to the apartment on the elevator (2 minutes max!) to get my gloves.  Great start to this moment!  It took me less than two minutes to get back down and somehow Swedie had disappeared.  I walked at a brisk pace in the hope of catching a glimpse of the sprinting pregnant woman that I call my wife.  No sign of her.  She's fast as hell, I guess. So I finished off my THREE MINUTE WALK to the midwife that Swedie was too stressed to wait for me for and ent...

As I get closer to doing some actual parenting, I have been reflecting on the performance of my parents.   I'm sure as most people, I want to take the good things they did for me and apply it to my parenting.  This only guarantees that I will mess this kid up in a completely different way.  I'm fine with that, though.  Messing up kids is the main part of parenting.  During my reflection of my youth, I realized that my parents lied to me a lot.  I was one of those kids that thought my parents could do no wrong and knew everything.  Google didn't exist back then to prove otherwise, so I just took their word for everything. My dad was there full time up until I was 9.  You couldn't tell me that he wasn't the fastest and strongest man in the world back then.  I would argue with kids in school about how strong my dad was.       - My dad can pick up a house!       - Well my  dad can pick up... a... BUILDING! ...

It was kinda sad bidding farewell to my family in Maryland.  It was good seeing family and some friends.  We'd have to catch the rest next time around.  We got the rental car and prepared to make that drive up.  Actually, Swedie was going to do the driving on this trip.  We had an agreement that since I drove up from GA, she would do the 3 hour drive to Jersey.  I set the satellite radio (Sweden needs this) to some stand-up comedy stations and we cranked the trip out.  Swedie is a good driver, so I was even able to sleep on the way up. We were going to be staying with our good friends while we were in New Jersey.  They always look out for us and this was no different.  We had stayed with them before moving to Sweden, so in a sense this was kind of a homecoming.  It's good to go to a place where you are familiar with the shower.  That first shower somewhere can be a a nightmare.  Standing there naked and flinching with one eye...

The day finally came that we had been waiting for.  We were scheduled to get an ultrasound and see if everything is going well with the baby growing in Swedie's belly.  I was so excited.  I was off of work and I'd be able to really enjoy this monumental moment.  So far we had been trying to avoid saying "it"  when referring to the baby.  After today, we would be able to say "he" or "she".  This was most exciting of it all.  Was I going to raise a boy or girl?  My little champ or princess?  Today we'd know.  This was a big deal. Swedie and I haven't been in many arguments since being in Sweden.  I wondered why.  We still spend about the same amount of time together.  She and I both have the same habits that we always have.  Maybe we were just hitting that peaceful stride of understanding that marriages all must have.  Maybe we just take the time to enjoy each other's good and bad sides more.  Could thi...