Boy or Girl?

The day finally came that we had been waiting for.  We were scheduled to get an ultrasound and see if everything is going well with the baby growing in Swedie's belly.  I was so excited.  I was off of work and I'd be able to really enjoy this monumental moment.  So far we had been trying to avoid saying "it"  when referring to the baby.  After today, we would be able to say "he" or "she".  This was most exciting of it all.  Was I going to raise a boy or girl?  My little champ or princess?  Today we'd know.  This was a big deal.

Swedie and I haven't been in many arguments since being in Sweden.  I wondered why.  We still spend about the same amount of time together.  She and I both have the same habits that we always have.  Maybe we were just hitting that peaceful stride of understanding that marriages all must have.  Maybe we just take the time to enjoy each other's good and bad sides more.  Could this be?  Well I found out on the way to the ultrasound clinic that in all actuality, the reason we don't argue as much is we don't drive together much anymore.  Most of our freaking arguments are in the car!  We get so irritated with each other to the point that we are cursing, turning the music up high or threatening to drive off of a bridge.

Unfortunately for us, we chose to drive to the clinic.  Good call, Swedie!  So naturally, I was driving (this is why we are still alive).  And she, wanting to be in control, was using her phone as our GPS.  Before we left, Swedie said in passing that we would be going near this train station that I've driven to before.  Cool.  She's got the GPS, we'll be alright.  While driving, Swedie deemed it necessary to discuss the details of our trip to the States in THE END of NOVEMBER.  We delve into this most important and time sensitive subject.  This distracts both Swedie and me and we miss the exit.  Now we are going into downtown rush hour with no way around it.  Of course this was the worst thing in the world.  We had left way before the appointment time out of sheer excitement, but now we could be late with this traffic!  And we were going through a toll area so we'd have to PAY.  Who's fault was this?

Oh the fireworks flew!

Jon, that was the turn.
Why didn't you tell me?
You knew where to go!  Don't act like it's my fault!
It is your fault!  Who's fault is it?  You got the GPS.
Whatever, Jon!
(mumbles) Whatever, Jon.  No whatever Jon!  It's your fault!  You're the one bringing up trips that we won't be going on for freaking two months!
How many times have you been there, Jon?!  I told you it's by Liljeholmen...

It got worse.  I'll leave the rest of the profanity-laced argument up to your imagination.  There was a priceless moment of angry silence in there as well.  Then Swedie said something about ruining what should be a wonderful day.  She had a point.  We weren't late anyway.  This day could be salvaged after all.  It was still early.

The parking gods smiled upon us as we pulled up to the clinic.  There was a spot not far from the entrance.  I don't want to imagine what type of argument would have taken place if there was no parking!

Maybe we would have gotten a better spot if SOMEBODY would have been paying attention!

We got to the lobby and the vibe was instantly better.  We were about to see if everything was alright in Swedie's tummy.  Is the baby growing well?  Are there any issues?  Who am I kidding?  We were there to see if this was a boy or a girl!  I wouldn't care about the results.  Boy or girl and I would be happy.  But I wanted a boy this go-round.  It just seems right to me that my other kids have a big brother.  One that has absorbed all of our first parenting mistakes.

We had done some fun things as well to determine the gender.  Swedie had peed in a cup and added baking soda.  If it bubbles, it's a boy.  No bubbles?  Girl.  Her test PROVED this was a girl.  One Chinese calendar said it's a girl.  Another said it's a boy.  Foolproof.  There was also her craving for salty things that PROVED this was a boy.  And her increased sex drive was a sure indicator of a boy.  So as you could imagine, we were back to square one.  Not knowing a damn thing!

After a two minute wait in the lobby we went into the ultrasound room.  Swedie got on the table and it was time.  The woman put the magic oozy cream on Swedie's stomach and went straight to work.  Impatient me was looking at the screen doing a penis search.  The technology was amazing.  You could see the little critter moving around.  Whatever it was, it had some energy!  Nope, no penis.  I was ready to hear the news after my observation.  I was certain.  This is my little princess.

The technician didn't seem to understand why we were there.  She kept talking about heartbeats and muscles and limbs and lungs and stuff.  Ma'am, is it a boy or girl?! She did something to make the blood flow come out in color.  That was cool.  The little heartbeat was moving so rapidly.  The little baby was posing for pictures for us.  It was so cute.  She got a frontal view of the face.  Eww!  That baby ain't finished yet.  Move the camera.  That was a freaking alien.  Not keeping that picture.  So there we had it.  Four working limbs.  Cute little feet.  Nice heartbeat.  All seemed well.  Now what is it?!

Swedie asked is it possible to know the gender.  The tech did a quick scan and in less than two seconds said, "Oh it's a boy."  It didn't register because it was so fast.  I was already sure this was a girl through my expert analysis.  She was speaking Swedish, so maybe she was mumbling or something.  For such an exciting day this lady was rather calm.  Then she said something about a "snopp" and I KNOW that word.  That's PENIS.  Just to make sure the dumb American in the room understood, she said, "It's a penis." It still didn't register yet.  I was looking at the screen and this pervert of a child had his legs open and he was straight up flashing us!  That's my boy!  I was so excited.  In my brain I was screaming and shouting WAHOO!  But all I could verbalize was, "So it's a boy!" in a matter-of-fact way.

A feeling came over me that is hard to explain.  It was like I was deeper into the process.  I now knew the gender of the child I was looking at.  I could now say "he" when talking about my son that my wife is carrying.  I kept looking at Swedie's stomach and then back at the screen in disbelief and utter happiness.  This woman is terrible at giving directions, but she is so great for carrying my son.  Then right on cue, Swedie held my hand.  Tears streamed down my cheeks into my beard as I enjoyed this moment.  Wow!  I was looking at my son.  I'm going to be the best dad ever to this little boy!  I wanted to tell him.  I wanted him out right now!  But then again he does look like a little alien still so maybe not right now, but still.  I'll never forget that moment.

I wonder would I have been this happy and emotional if it were a girl.  I really can't answer that.  I wanted a boy.  We made a boy.  That's all I know for sure.  And boy am I excited!  Needless to say, the ride home involved no arguments or conversations about trips to the US.  It was all baby names and happy phone calls.  My little boy was making life better already.  Until next time...


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